don't know where to start

I'm a quitter. Always have been... I recently watched a movie that follows the very predictable path of many comedies. In the end, the man who's leading a life of irresponsibility and neglect suddenly realizing the fault of his ways and turns it all around. While music swells and people sing, the birds fly over head and all is well again. Unfortunately, in the real world... it doesn't seem to happen that way does it?

I've even failed at blogging really. I've started several... I opened up a blog that I created to facilitate a 30 day challenge to get off sugar. I labeled the first blog, "Day 1". I wrote that first blog months ago...and I re-read that first one just a few minutes ago. The problem is... it was the only one I wrote. So... I'm a quitter and that's just how it is. The question I often ask myself is 'why am I a quitter?'. I don't think I enjoy it. I mean, I don't have a degree in psychology but I'm pretty sure that I don't enjoy failing or at a minimum just not following through on anything in my life. But the human mind, at least in the sense that I know it, is a strange and unpredictable thing.

So I'm starting this post... and I'm calling it 'don't know where to start' because I'm not sure if it will ever go beyond this one. I start things with the greatest intentions only to forget about them moments later. I live in a constant state of quit.

I often think about my life, usually in some negative form, but I sometimes acknowledge the positives too. I grew up in a small family of 4, one brother (older)... and all of them paid attention to me, loved me and gave me everything they could. Yet all I can really remember of my life is how selfish I was, how lazy I seemed to be at every turn... and how much of a victim I was. A victim of what? Well... I'm not sure where to start there.

Writing is supposed to be therapy, although I probably need professional assistance to make it stick. Why don't I do that? I've tried twice... but that's a story for another time I guess.

I have a woman downstairs who loves me, who listens to my whining and complaining... she's probably too good for me, yet I don't treat her that way.

I guess that's all for now. Back to feeling depressed and tortured... escaping in games, movies or alcohol.